I have been struggling a lot lately with feelings of insecurity. I look at others and see what great mothers they are and feel like they are better at it than I am. I see other women who have babies much younger than Vanessa and the women are much skinnier than I am or they are toothpicks and have six kids. Or there are women who have more, much younger kids whose houses are always spotless and mine constantly looks like a bomb went off in it. And there are soooo many women who go through so many trials and handle these things so much better than I do. Why have I been feeling this way so much lately? I'm not sure, other than the fact that I compare myself to others way too much! I know that I am comparing their strengths to my weaknesses and faults. I know that no one has a perfect life and we all have our weaknesses and trials, I just wish I could handle mine (for lack of a better word) more graceful then I do. I know that I will never be someone else. I am me, and that's all I can be. Not that I have to settle for the me I am, I want to be the best me I can be and that's all I can do.
Today while I was vacuuming and Vanessa was sitting on my vacuum cord riding it like a horse, yeehaw and all included, I realized that I could either get frustrated because it was going to take me an extra five minutes to finish my vacuuming or I could do what she was doing and find joy and happiness in the simple things. I chose joy and happiness. I played with her with the cord for a bit and about two minutes later she was bored and I was able to complete my chore. I started thinking, 'why do I do this to myself'? 'why do I choose to stress about simple things when I can be happy with these small things'? When one word really stood out to me, CHOOSE! I choose to react the way I do. We can't always control what happens to us because we definitely can't control others choices. We can't control what's going to happen in our day or what 'curveball' is going be thrown our way in life but we can choose how we react to it. We can either find the bad and become stressed or we can look at all the wonderful things we have in our lives and choose to be grateful and content with what we have. That's my new goal! I want to recognize at least one thing I have to be grateful for each day. I also want to find joy and happiness in everything I do each day, including the cleaning I do over and over again. I'm so grateful I have the house I do to clean every day!
Friday, February 25, 2011
A New Chair for Vanessa
I finally broke down and bought Vanessa this...
My sister Kelly has one for her son and every time we are at their house Vanessa and Phin are constantly fighting over his chair. Vanessa loves the chair. I had debated back and forth 'cause she is getting older and I just don't know how long she'll really use it but since kids up to 40 lbs. can sit in it, I figure we'll get to use it for a few years. Plus, it's a training tool for me. Unfortunately Vanessa has never been one to hold her own bottle (yes she still uses a bottle). I'm trying to break her of the bottle and me holding her every time she wants some milk. I'm hoping we will get her to hold her own sippy cup while sitting in her chair. Cross your fingers for us! The good news is that she already loves the chair!! She couldn't wait for me to put it together before she wanted to try it out.
Yep, she's laying on the fabric and the unassembled poles. Here she is being super cute in it after I got it put together.
And the even better news, she actually held her bottle and sat in it for a while.
No, it didn't last long but baby steps, right?
My sister Kelly has one for her son and every time we are at their house Vanessa and Phin are constantly fighting over his chair. Vanessa loves the chair. I had debated back and forth 'cause she is getting older and I just don't know how long she'll really use it but since kids up to 40 lbs. can sit in it, I figure we'll get to use it for a few years. Plus, it's a training tool for me. Unfortunately Vanessa has never been one to hold her own bottle (yes she still uses a bottle). I'm trying to break her of the bottle and me holding her every time she wants some milk. I'm hoping we will get her to hold her own sippy cup while sitting in her chair. Cross your fingers for us! The good news is that she already loves the chair!! She couldn't wait for me to put it together before she wanted to try it out.
Yep, she's laying on the fabric and the unassembled poles. Here she is being super cute in it after I got it put together.
And the even better news, she actually held her bottle and sat in it for a while.
No, it didn't last long but baby steps, right?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
You Know She's Sick When...
This morning we woke up to Ally crying really hard and complaining about her right ear hurting her. I wasn't surprised 'cause yesterday afternoon while we were all outside enjoying the somewhat warm day she was inside laying down watching TV. I gave her some Tylenol for the pain and waited for it to kick in and for the doctor's office to open. She wasn't thrilled when she heard we'd be going to see the doctor but after I talked to her about it, okay and bribed her with the promise of fast food for lunch and a new toy (nope, not going to win mother of the year this year, but hey, whatever works to keep her calm) she calmed down and was willing to go. Okay, the kicking and screaming stopped. She was great at the doctor's and did everything he asked her to and we quickly found out it is indeed an ear infection. We went straight to Wal-mart and got some Squinkies (don't ask, I have no clue but she LOVES them). We then met up with a friend at Wendy's. I was starting to wonder how truly sick she was and then I went to check on her this afternoon and found her sound asleep on my bed where she'd been watching TV.
Yep, for Ally to take a nap, she's really sick! Hopefully her amoxcillan will kick in quickly and she'll feel better soon.
In the meantime, Vanessa is taking full advantage of Ally not feeling well. Her new favorite thing is Ally's Leapster which Ally isn't always thrilled to share. Vanessa has enjoyed all the play time she's gotten with it today.
Yep, for Ally to take a nap, she's really sick! Hopefully her amoxcillan will kick in quickly and she'll feel better soon.
In the meantime, Vanessa is taking full advantage of Ally not feeling well. Her new favorite thing is Ally's Leapster which Ally isn't always thrilled to share. Vanessa has enjoyed all the play time she's gotten with it today.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
An Amazing Kid with a Ginormous Heart
This afternoon Andrew had scouts over at the church. Scouts start at 4:15 but he wanted to leave at 4. I told him we needed to wait a little longer so he insisted on riding his bike. I don't like him riding his bike even though the church is just around the block from us. I know, I know, I'm paranoid but he is my first to hit this stage. By the time Vanessa is his age I'm sure I'll be begging her to ride her bike to Orem ;). I heard him crying as he came in the house after scouts. I thought he for sure crashed on the way home. When I asked him what happened he told me they planted plants at scouts and when he was pushing his bike (yep he pushed his bike all the way home to protect his plant) home he tripped and all the soil and seeds spilled out of his little planter box. He was so upset so I asked him if he was okay. He said he wasn't hurt but he was so upset because he had planted the plant for me and it was ruined. It broke my heart to see him so sad because something he created for me was ruined. Although it broke my heart, it did my heart good because he was so thoughtful and kind and wanted to create something for me, his mom who has so many, not so hidden faults including being short tempered, not patient and yells way too much! I'm just so glad he has such a big heart and is so quick to forgive. He is such an amazing kid who makes me want to be a much better mom! I'm so lucky to be his mom!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Wonderful World of Blogs
I sit here outside the bathroom watching Vanessa take her bath. As I was getting her ready to get in the tub I thought about grabbing a book to read (her baths are usually an hour long, if not longer. The girl loves the tub and playtime with Mom only lasts so long) but felt myself instead being pulled to the computer and the blogs I love to read. I was disappointed to find that none of my friends had updated their blogs. Why was I pulled here? What was I going to read now? I then started my 'stalking.'
Some of you may remember the story of a little boy that was found not breathing in his parents' bathtub last year. My friend knows the family and had told me about his mom's blog that she was writing as they struggled through the trial and then miracle of his quick recovery. I read each and every day, sharing in their tears and joy but not long after his recovery I quit reading. Today I felt inspired to look at her blog again. She shared a story of her little guy and his love for his Buzz Lightyear toy and how his love for it has broken his one wing. She said how every time the wing breaks he comes to her crying wanting her to fix it. It happened over and over again and each time she would love him to calm him down, show him how to fix it and then fix it for him. Again it would break, and again he'd come crying and again Mom would love him and fix it. She then likened it to herself and our Heavenly Father. I'll quote her because I can't say it as well as she did,
"How many times have I done this?
Made the same choice, over and over expecting a different result?
Hoping I could haphazardly use the same carelessness
and not experience the same heartache?
And how many times have I run, broken wing dangling,
right to my Father in Heaven,
begging...
desperate for Him to fix it...
yet again?
Wondering if He could?
If He would?
~
And yet always His constant, loving reply.
Reassurance.
Consolation.
Unconditional patience.
Understanding.
Peace for my troubling soul.
He straightens the wing...
Then straightens the girl...
Then sends me back out on my way."
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS!!!! It was exactly what I needed today!! I unfortunately am guilty of this. I continue to make the same choices over and over and then run to my loving Heavenly Father for him to 'fix' me. I too often take my weaknesses to him and expect him to fix me but I don't do any work on my own so once again I break and turn to him again. He continues to amaze me at how time and time again he 'straightens the wing, then straightens the girl' and sends me on my way. He doesn't chastise me for breaking again just lovingly 'straightens' me and waits for me to return, broken again. I am so grateful that I know my Heavenly Father and Redeemer are there for me. I am grateful they love me for all my weaknesses and breaks and continue to love me even though I don't always learn the first, second, third, and sometimes hundredth time. I'm grateful they send many angels into my life, whether they know they are angels to me or become my angels because of my blog stalking, to help me as I struggle and to teach me things I can't seem to learn on my own. I'm thankful for the opportunity my Heavenly Father gives me to continue to try and try and try again.
I found this quote by President Hinckley today too...
"Each of us can do a little better than we have been doing. We can be a little more kind. We can be a little more merciful. We can be a little more forgiving. We can put behind us our weaknesses of the past, and go forth with new energy and increased resolution to improve the world about us, in our homes, in our places of employment, in our social activities.
We have work to do, you and I, so very much of it. Let us roll up our sleeves and get at it, with a new commitment, putting our trust in the Lord.
We can do it, if we will be prayerful and faithful. We can do better than we have ever done before."-Gordon B. Hinckley
I continue to struggle finding balance in my life. I really have a hard time balancing being Mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, Candace, etc, etc. I feel like I have so many balls to juggle many of them are dropped over and over again. And so many people suffer because I drop a ball when they need it most. Lately I have felt like giving up but after reading this quote, I am ready to 'roll up my sleeves and get at it.' I am ready to do better than I have been doing. I am ready to be a better wife, mother, friend, homemaker, and daughter of God! I am just grateful I have so many forgiving people in my life who continue to love me despite my uncoordinated life. I really am going to try harder for each of you!
Some of you may remember the story of a little boy that was found not breathing in his parents' bathtub last year. My friend knows the family and had told me about his mom's blog that she was writing as they struggled through the trial and then miracle of his quick recovery. I read each and every day, sharing in their tears and joy but not long after his recovery I quit reading. Today I felt inspired to look at her blog again. She shared a story of her little guy and his love for his Buzz Lightyear toy and how his love for it has broken his one wing. She said how every time the wing breaks he comes to her crying wanting her to fix it. It happened over and over again and each time she would love him to calm him down, show him how to fix it and then fix it for him. Again it would break, and again he'd come crying and again Mom would love him and fix it. She then likened it to herself and our Heavenly Father. I'll quote her because I can't say it as well as she did,
"How many times have I done this?
Made the same choice, over and over expecting a different result?
Hoping I could haphazardly use the same carelessness
and not experience the same heartache?
And how many times have I run, broken wing dangling,
right to my Father in Heaven,
begging...
desperate for Him to fix it...
yet again?
Wondering if He could?
If He would?
~
And yet always His constant, loving reply.
Reassurance.
Consolation.
Unconditional patience.
Understanding.
Peace for my troubling soul.
He straightens the wing...
Then straightens the girl...
Then sends me back out on my way."
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS!!!! It was exactly what I needed today!! I unfortunately am guilty of this. I continue to make the same choices over and over and then run to my loving Heavenly Father for him to 'fix' me. I too often take my weaknesses to him and expect him to fix me but I don't do any work on my own so once again I break and turn to him again. He continues to amaze me at how time and time again he 'straightens the wing, then straightens the girl' and sends me on my way. He doesn't chastise me for breaking again just lovingly 'straightens' me and waits for me to return, broken again. I am so grateful that I know my Heavenly Father and Redeemer are there for me. I am grateful they love me for all my weaknesses and breaks and continue to love me even though I don't always learn the first, second, third, and sometimes hundredth time. I'm grateful they send many angels into my life, whether they know they are angels to me or become my angels because of my blog stalking, to help me as I struggle and to teach me things I can't seem to learn on my own. I'm thankful for the opportunity my Heavenly Father gives me to continue to try and try and try again.
I found this quote by President Hinckley today too...
"Each of us can do a little better than we have been doing. We can be a little more kind. We can be a little more merciful. We can be a little more forgiving. We can put behind us our weaknesses of the past, and go forth with new energy and increased resolution to improve the world about us, in our homes, in our places of employment, in our social activities.
We have work to do, you and I, so very much of it. Let us roll up our sleeves and get at it, with a new commitment, putting our trust in the Lord.
We can do it, if we will be prayerful and faithful. We can do better than we have ever done before."-Gordon B. Hinckley
I continue to struggle finding balance in my life. I really have a hard time balancing being Mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, Candace, etc, etc. I feel like I have so many balls to juggle many of them are dropped over and over again. And so many people suffer because I drop a ball when they need it most. Lately I have felt like giving up but after reading this quote, I am ready to 'roll up my sleeves and get at it.' I am ready to do better than I have been doing. I am ready to be a better wife, mother, friend, homemaker, and daughter of God! I am just grateful I have so many forgiving people in my life who continue to love me despite my uncoordinated life. I really am going to try harder for each of you!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Snuggle Time
Andrew and Ally didn't have school today so we took advantage of not having our usual crazy, busy, get ready for school morning and stayed in bed longer than usual. Ally climbed into bed with me and cuddled up with me and stayed like that for quite a while. It was so nice to be able to just lay there and talk with her for a while, just her and me. We don't get to be together, just the two of us very often. We both enjoyed our time together and I learned some things too, like the fact that she and Andrew used to eat my throat lozenges thinking they were candy. Yep, I'm a great mom! I am so grateful for my kids and I'm very grateful we get a four day weekend to enjoy each others' company. Now to just come up with enough things to keep them entertained.
Fantastic News
After nine extremely loooooooooong months we are happy to announce that Jim is officially employed again! To say that we are ecstatic would be an extreme understatement! There are so many emotions that I am feeling right now that I don't even know where to begin. I am so grateful for this job opportunity that has come our way and for the blessings we will be receiving because of it. And, the best part is that the company is in Provo so we can stay right where we are. Yay!
I would feel very ungrateful if I wasn't thankful for the trial and the blessings we have received because of this trial. I just hope we keep our perspective and can remember all the blessings and things we have learned through this trial. I am so grateful for all the wonderful, fabulous friends and family who have supported and loved us through this. Although I am grateful for the trial and the blessings we learned, I am very glad to say it is over and we are ready for our next chapter in our lives.
I would feel very ungrateful if I wasn't thankful for the trial and the blessings we have received because of this trial. I just hope we keep our perspective and can remember all the blessings and things we have learned through this trial. I am so grateful for all the wonderful, fabulous friends and family who have supported and loved us through this. Although I am grateful for the trial and the blessings we learned, I am very glad to say it is over and we are ready for our next chapter in our lives.
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